


Overly detailed Gamzee's backstory

by Supernatural_logic_locked



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drugs, Mental Illness, Other, Triggers dude, bad stuff, be careful, i tried to give a fair depiction of them so I wrote down possibly insensitive stuff, non con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 00:45:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11635413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supernatural_logic_locked/pseuds/Supernatural_logic_locked
Summary: Well, I have this fic and I wanted to write a backstory for the Gamzee I have in there so I got like really really really carried away. It's poorly written and has insensitive stuff in it cause I wrote it for myself. It's hard to find fics like this to read though sometimes so yeah.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just be warned dude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I burp when I read this fic because of how cringe it is

"Who doesn't try drugs in middle school?" "Kur says, never-" "Who gives a shit what that asshole says. You're almost a highschooler, come on!" Gamzee looked over at his "friend". He started to get up, hauling all current 5" 11' into a standing position. "Look motherfucker, I gotta get back to Terezi..." The girl who had spoken earlier stood up as well. "Oh for-get about that lowblood trash! Hang out with us for once!" Gamzee shifted, debating. "Ok. Weekend? It's last week anyway." The light purple blood across from him smiled. "Greaaaat." 

As he went back towards home Gamzee debated why he even hung out with them. It never ended up being any fun. But, he finally felt like he had those cool older friends everyone wants. Arriving at the door his hand began to twitch. His father still hadn't come home after The Fight. Trying to make a point by saying you wanted to break up with your girlfriend wasn't the best tactic he had discovered. And when he opened the door there she was. She flew into his arms as gracefully as a blind troll really could. "Hi Gam!" He smoothed his thumbs over her cheeks, a well of some sort of affection springing up into his chest. "Hey Rez." His voice had dropped over the last year, leading to the deep baritone it now had. 

Terezi bounced her cane against his right shin. "So, you were hanging out with those highbloods after school weren't you?" "Only a little bit." 

The weekend rolled around and during Saturday night Gamzee grabbed his wallet and longboard and set off towards his light purple friend Tanzaa's house. He rolled up and stashed his board in the bushes right as a text buzzed from Terezi. 

H3Y YOU 4SL33P Y3T?

One lie couldn't hurt. 

AlMoSt  
OH OK GOODN1GHT <3  
LoVe YoU

The party was just as parties usually were. A lot of loud music and people who thought they were old enough to drink. After greeting his friends Gamzee drifted off to the back porch. He pulled a pack of cigs out of his back pocket along with his lighter, which he had recently redecorated in art class. After his second smoke Gamzee decided it was probably already time to go home, but before he could set off to find Tanzaa she appeared right next to him.

"Hey Gamzeeeeee. Can I have onnnne?" Gamzee shrugged and pulled the carton out of his pocket again. Tanzaa took one and nudged his shoulder, signalling for him to scoot farther back into the balcony, where it was darker and quieter. She took the cigarette out of her mouth for a moment. "So. How are the voices?" Gamzee shrugged. "Ah Tan, forget I said any motherfucking thing." Tanzaa rolled her eyes. "Oh please. Just tell me." "Same." Gamzee replied curtly. 

"Why doesn't your brother ever give you anything for that. Ughhh, asshole." She ran her hand between Gamzee's arm and his side, then drug her nails lightly down his arm. "You know. Iiii could give you something for that." Gamzee tensed. She slid her hand into Gamzee's, curling her fingers around to the back of his hand, like they were a couple or something. But Gamzee could feel the bag that now set against his palm. His heart sped up and he took another drag from his cigarette. "Ah, I don't have any motherfucking money, you know that." 

"Squeeze twice if you want it. Last chance." Gamzee wiggled his fingers for a moment before bringing them down to the back of Tanzaa's palm... And squeezing twice. 

"This is why you're a bad person." Someone whispered into his ear. He turned, wondering who had come to make fun of him, but there was nothing but a wall. Tanzaa retracted her arm and slipped down to the ground. "It will help." 

During the first weeks of summer Gamzee hit a growth spurt and unexpectedly rose to his full height. He kept what Tan had given him in his room, which had more than it would in the coming years. 

A bed pushed into the far left corner, desk, chest with clothes, closet, shelves, rugs, piles of papers and clothes, beanbag, twenty some blankets, and anything else a troll his age would need. Gamzee hid the bag in one of the books he had made into a secret box. 

One evening once their father had left, Gamzee knocked on Kurloz's door. "Come in..." When Gamzee opened the door he walked directly into Kurloz's chest. "Oh! Hi there brother." He playfully head butted the older clown again. Kurloz placed a hand in Gamzee's hair, mussing it a bit. "I was just going out." "Oh cool, I just had a question." Kurloz peered down over his phone. "Why don't you ever give me any of that?" Gamzee pointed at the backpack slung over Kurloz's shoulder. The elder smoothly stepped around his brother and patted him on the shoulder as he walked away. "You don't want any Gam." Gamzee tapped the wall with his nails for a moment, deciding if what he was about to say was wise. "Tan says it would help the... Them."

Kurloz quickly went down the steps. "No. It wouldn't." On the last one he paused. "Are... They... Are they bothering you?" He looked backward at Gamzee. "I could get you something else." He mumbled. "No. Never mind Kurloz. I was just wondering." Kurloz crossed the red tile over to the door. "Be careful Gam." He signed back at his brother. He had learned it in school for the times he needed to be silent, and Gamzee had picked it up from common use between them. Neither liked to shout. 

Gamzee retreated back to his room. He considered that conversation as a failure. 

WhAtS iN tHe StUfF aNyWaY  
Hahaaaa well, not just that human shittt  
Did you not do it yetttt  
Gamzeeeeee

SlImE?  
Slime!? What, no!  
Besidessss you can't smoke sllllime dumbass.  
That's not what I gave you  
WhAtEvEr TaN  
I'm seriousss  
WhAt Is It  
KuRlOz WoNt TeLl Me  
Uhg why did you ask himmmm  
Some weeeed and troll shit  
Blueshy and nierva  
ThAnKs  
Enjoyyyy

All I Really Need now playing...

Gamzee slid the books he had separated the contents of the bag into down, shoving them in his pocket before opening the window and exiting. A can of febreeze sat on the sill as if it were a last thought in the final letter written to loved ones. Gamzee watched as lights in the windows of the residential zones winked on and off. He ran his hands over his face, scarless, his hair with the few beaded stands and feathers. Over his decorated horns, his shoulders as if he knew nothing would ever be the same. He picked up a paper encased herb mix. 

"Wait!" Gamzee whipped around and sighed. You would figure he would know his own voices by now. "Don't do this." "We help you." "You can't live without us." "I warned you about this Tan girl." "Why do you call her that anyway it's so stupid." "I think I hear Kurloz." "Listen to us, we know more than you."

He flicked on his lighter and inhaled. It's wasn't like he expected. It was nothing. Nothing happened. Which was to be expected. What was he thinking? Instant relief? The usual characters buzzed on in the background. He took another inhale. And another. He finished quickly. Greedily. It tasted cold and like sage and weed... And electric, like a first kiss. Gamzee sat back and waited. "We're still here you idiot." But they weren't. They faded away. Still there but... In the background. Suddenly Gamzee couldn't hold on to a thought. It felt like his own thinking was in another language.

He skidded back down to his window. He saw the febreeze bottle and picked it up. He was supposed to do something with this. ھe waג supposعd tם dט zomعדחןng with this. He... The cherry flowers on the bottle suddenly poked out in brilliant 3D. He pressed down on the lever and the spray caught the light. He didn't register this and just thought it might be pink. He let it mist over him for a while. It felt nice on his hands. Trying to get back in the window was difficult because he wasn't sure what language his muscles talked in. He ended up falling into it, tumbling over the carpet. 

Sssssssssssss  
Oooooooo kay  
Whste DdDdD  
Looks like it's workinnnng

Gamzee set down his phone. His what? He didn't know if it was working anyway. 

 

"Ugh just shut the motherfuck up Terezi. No one motherfucking cares." Terezi blinked. "Please Gamzee, we're worried. This isn't you." Gamzee turned and jerked her glasses off. "You don't motherfucking know me, blind sniff-bitch." He threw the glasses down and they clattered away. Terezi clutched tighter to her cane. Why had she come alone? "Just... Are you ok?" She felt a tight hand around her upper arm and stumbled as she was thrown towards the door, barely managing to keep her cane in her hands. "Better than motherfucking ever."

Terezi edged towards the door, ready to bolt if her next statement didn't land. "Look, it's been a couple months since last year. Maybe you should stop hanging out with the... Tanzaa's group." She suppressed a yip as something shattered right next to her face. Her wrist nearly sprained at how quickly she turned the knob. She slammed the door and ran down the sidewalk until she whacked the tree in the front lawn and smelled the maroon leaves. She fumbled for her phone, giving it a good lick. 

VR1SK4 HURRY 4ND COM3 G3T M3

 

Gamzee pulled at the last of the beads left in his hair, listening as they slowly ripped out. 

PlEaSe BrOtHeR i DoNt GoT tHe MoThErFuCkInG cAsH fOr ThAt  
Then find another way to pay

Three hours later Gamzee knocked on the door. He knew his dealer lived here. It was a hella sketchy neighbourhood, but he didn't care. The door opened to reveal a troll with obviously turquoise blood. "Oh... Gamzee. Got the cash?" Gamzee's eyes darted around. "You're being watched." "No motherfucking shit." The dealer raised an eye brow. He was tall as Gamzee, which was rare for a turquoise. "Sorry. Motherfucker... I- well Jedesa, what else do you motherfucking want?" The dealer smirked. "Come inside, we'll talk about it, huh?" "So what is it you're wanting exactly?" Gamzee shook his arms to keep from twitching and looked around carefully. "Something motherfucking distracting." They were screaming now. He saw eyes on the walls, and watched them move. 

The dealer reached onto a high shelf, almost out of sight. He retrieved a small jar. Gamzee instantly figured his tongue was long enough to get every remainder inside it. "Ever had any of this?" The drug dealer started to chuckle. "You know, I hope not." Gamzee tilted his head. "What the fuck is it?" The dealer put it back on the shelf. "Heroin infused slime." Gamzee poked one of the eyes in the wall so it closed. It look like a child's. Children didn't need to see this. "Ah." "How about this?" In the dealers hand was a large bag of what Tan had given him on the first day. "Got the red kind?" "No, but I got the slime coated kind." Gamzee shook his hand to remove the cockroach crawling across it. "Never had slime brother." 

"Oh you'll love this. You seem like a heroin, slime, nierva guy." He teased. The bag swayed in front of deeply indigo eyes. Gamzee watched it closely. "I was once told you can't smoke slime..." "Not pure slime." Gamzee turned his palm face up. "I'll take it." 

Jedesa jerked the bag backwards. "First, come give a kiss to daddy." Gamzee shrugged and turned his head to plant a soft kiss right on his lips. "Now, how much are you willing to pay for?" Gamzee examined. A whole small ziplock bag. Stuffed to the brim. "All of it." "Alright. Right through there." Jedesa pointed to a curtain at the back of the room. 

"This is a bad idea." "Listen, stop!" At that they all began to scream again. The dealer slipped the bag into Gamzee's pocket and retreated. "I'll give you a second." "It's not even you motherfuckers shutting up I care about." Gamzee slipped off his sweater as he whispered and carefully set it aside. "Scream all you want or fuck off forever. This is the motherfucking shit I want." He discarded his T-shirt and began to fiddle with his belt. Footsteps. "Go ahead. All of it." Gamzee shut his eyes for a split second before dropping the rest of his garmets. He'd lost weight, maybe. Nothing fit anymore. 

There was a hand on his waist. "Open up." Gamzee opened his mouth and briefly ran his tongue across his teeth. Something light and papery landed on it and he closed his mouth obediently at a cue from the fingers pressing on his jaw. "Lucky you. Might not even remember this tomorrow. Lay down." As Gamzee turned the whole room lit up with colours. No...music. Shit. This was fucked. 

Gamzee did most of the work kissing. Up and down and all over, but he couldn't tell if his tongue was working anymore. Jedesa never shed any of his clothes, but his pants slid down his legs. "Sssssssss." Gamzee made a snake noise as he watched them go. "Lean back." Everything fell out of focus until the lighting. Everywhere, starting from down there. It was almost to much. He squirmed and Jedesa looked up. "To much?" Echoes. Gamzee panted. "If you get through this I'll give you four needles too." He gripped onto Gamzee's left horn, tilting his head back and forth. It hurt. "I-yeah yeah." What was he agreeing to again? And the fire was back. It hurt. But he didn't cry out, and he couldn't remember why. 

Once it was over and Jed had left to help someone else Gamzee slid off the bed and into his clothes. He stumbled out of the room. Everything was still colours and music and things. He felt a hand in his pocket and then a backpack. "Don't loose this kid." More echoes. He stumbled out and back towards his house. But he couldn't find it. He pulled out the hunk of metal and glass in his pocket. He clicked a lot of buttons, but nothing seemed to work, so he just started talking to it, like he usually did to speak with voices on the train or in the store. But they weren't here. They could probably get him back. He dug his nails into his arm. "Where did you go?" He pulled on his tongue, then went back to the dancing screen of his phone. Blocked number. Blocked number. A woman looked at him strangely, and when he looked back she pushed him and walked away quickly. 

Calling Kurloz


	2. Chapter 2

"Home. Home. Help me, they disappeared. I need to go... Somewhere." "What? Hello? Wait who... Gamzee? Motherfuck?" "I just...." "Gamzee what's wrong? Where are you?" "I don't knowwwww." "I'm tracing you. Meulin and I are coming. Hang on." The phone clattered. "Put subs on." "Gamzee what happened?" The clipped and and exaggerated voice of the deaf Meulin. Suddenly the ground was falling. On the other end, nothing was heard but shatters of phone-on-cement. "Hurry Kurloz."

They found Gamzee passed out on the grass in a rich neighborhood. He was hauled into the back seat and then his bed. Kurloz thought he had probably taken too much at some party and wandered away. Gamzee's back pack was thrown into the desk chair. Cold water. Cloth. 

"I think something bad happened to him Kur." Signing.  
"Mew, he's being a shit again. It's not worth our time." "You can't say that! You used to take care of him. We did."  
"Well maybe this will be the motherfucking scare that cleans him up."  
"You deal with them... You know how they are."

Gamzee woke the next afternoon and no one was in the house. He couldn't remember anything past ripping the last of the beads out. Terezi coloured beads. He found them and threw them in the trash. Went downstairs, stole an oxy. Retreated back. His skin crawled. He felt as though he been thrown out, maybe into a dumpster. Had that happened? He stripped his clothes. He tore through his matted hair looking for bugs. Found none. 

Gamzee found a ruler in his pencil jar and measured his hair. Over twelve inches from the base. He pawed at his skin desperately. Something was wrong. Gamzee brushed his hair and teeth. Washed off his face paint. He stared in the mirror. Took a shower. The hot water skittered over him as he heard a door slam closed. He ran his hands down his chest, his waist- it all came back in a rush. Suddenly Gamzee couldn't breath, he clutched his throat and felt himself slipping, then then the sound of his bare back smacking the floor of the tub. Everything was black. 

"I swear to motherfucking god. There you are." Kurloz's face was smeared, his shirt wet. Gamzee saw the bath room lights. He felt his favourite blanket. "What the motherfuck-" it wasn't the first time he had a sore throat, but it was surprising. "You were screaming. And then I think you fell." Gamzee pressed his palms into his eyes. "Oh god. What did I motherfucking do?" It came out as a sob. "It's alright brother. Gamzee. It's fine." Gamzee just shook his head again and again. He reached out to the grey shorts Kurloz was wearing and clutched at a fistful. "Don't hate me." He sobbed. Kurloz shook his head numbly before bringing Gamzee to his chest. 

Once Kurloz coaxed him into pajamas and left, Gamzee retrieved his phone. He turned on the flash light and opened the backpack that wasn't his. Everything was there. Just as he remembered. So it had really happened. They were screaming again. Cursing him. The shadows writhed in the corners. All he could feel was the pain. The hands. 

A week later he returned to school. His friends gathered around him, but he didn't respond to anything they said. The days came and went. Finally, Terezi approached. He took her back into the kiln room and whispered everything to her. She flinched away. "God Gamzee. Listen. I can't do this anymore." And then she was gone. Gamzee felt everything go black. His sight went red as everything went blank. 

Terezi narrowed her eyes as she smelled Gamzee approach. It wasn't right. He grabbed her collar and shoved her against the car, arm against her neck. Kanaya's voice swam in the background. "Gamzee stop! She's choking! What is wrong with you? Your eyes?" "Listen here motherfuckers..." 

Gamzee shivered in the upstairs bathroom, again. Many full needles. He had no idea what it was. Maybe enough to kill. But that's what he did. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Gamzee slumped to the tile. He could feel it in his veins. It was the highest he ever had been. Heavenly. Stars. Everything made sense. 

And then the pain. Spasms. Choking. Fear. 

 

"It's the hospital." "I know." "Gamzee, Kanaya found you." "Ok." "700 hundered milligrams of heroin? You're lucky dad is picky. This sheet says five bottles of oxy." "Yeah. She could have motherfucking left me Kurloz. That's all it would have taken. I can hear them Kur. They're screaming." "What happened Gam?" "Doesn't matter." Kurloz shook his head. 

"You're almost 16. You're too young for this." Gamzee snorted. The older Makara stood. "I have to go. Sit tight." Gamzee started to sit up until he heard something clack against the side of his bed. Looking down he discovered the cloth handcuffs used to restrain patients. "Hah. Not like I have much motherfucking choice." Kurloz glared back with steely eyes. "Karma, brother." 

Gamzee slumped back into his bed. Everything hurt. He shut his eyes and tried to block out the scenario around him. A chair scraped next to his bed. Opening his eyes a crack he spotted a human nurse sitting next to him. "So, you mind telling me what happened a week and a half ago?" Gamzee was silent. "Our eval is showing some pretty major trauma around then." "Nothing motherfucking happened." "Nothing besides head trauma, stress on your left horn, internal trauma, and some physical signs of a struggle. Bruises on your arms. The likes." Gamzee shook his head, silently willing her away. "What? Just "the life of an addict"? No big deal?" She got up and began to check on the machines beeping around him. "I've seen it all before. You know what ushually happens? I'll see you again here, probably soon. And then? I'll see you die here."

She sat back down. "What happened a week ago?" "I passed out. Took a fall." She smiled sarcastically. "Yeah. Don't you just hate it when you get bruises in the shape of handprints every time you fall down? Me too." Gamzee glanced down at his arms. She wasn't lying. "It's not up to motherfucking me to tell you about my sex life." The lady didn't even flinch. "Sure thing. But it is. Because apparently somewhere in your "sex life" you took enough drugs and suffered enough trauma to pass out, then overdosed a week later." "Is this your job?" "I'm supposed to fill out a report here so I can help you. I'm not your enemy." Gamzee raised his shoulders and sighed. 

Eventually he was realessd, but under a strict home lock down. With nothing to do he finished all his school work a month ahead of schedule, then un enrolled himself. He didn't leave his room unless retrieving food or drink, and when he did someone was always down stairs. Ushually Kurloz or meulin, but Porrim and Meenah also made appearances.

The first few days weren't so bad, and Kurloz made sure he wasn't quitting cold turkey, but the symptoms of withdrawl were still terrible. Aching, sweating, screaming. And of course he couldn't get any sleep. One week passed and then another. Gamzee could feel how weak he was, what with 10 hours of sleep spread out over the two weeks. Gamzee stumbled downstairs. Surprisingly, no one was there. He limped over to the bathroom and locked the door, unsure what he had come all the way down stairs for. 

After a moment he dropped the blanket around his shoulders and began to drink from the sink, because he had realized he was thirsty. When he stood up again he was face to face with the medicine cabinet. He hadn't checked to see if the drugs in his room were still hidden, sure he would be caught, and the voices backed up that thought. But maybe, if he could take couple little pills, just to get to sleep... He rummaged around, reading through his blinding head ache. The door suddenly resonated with a knock. "Gamzee. I can hear what you're doing in there." Gamzee fumbled with the door knob. Once open he held up the bottle he had chosen. "Just wanted to go to sleep..." He slurred. "You know the deal. If you want something, ask me." 

Another week passed and Gamzee finally felt a little better. But his door remained locked. The hallucinations had gotten worse. Sometimes when he woke up, his room was filled with trees and he thought he was outside. Once, he has turned away from his desk and the entire floor was filled knee deep with skulls. And he started to blank out more. He'd come back from these periods with no memory, the only hint being the spiteful messages that had apparently been sent through his phone. And the holes in his wall, bleeding knuckles and scratched skin. 

Gamzee sat, trying to "vent draw", a tactic he had seen online. He felt something creeping up, his chest tightening, and the voices began to babble incoherently. At first he thought it may be a panic attack, but when everything began to fade away, he pushed back frantically. He desperately didn't want another black hole in his memory, but resistance made it worse. He didn't call Kurloz. He didn't try to escape. 

Gamzee jumped off his roof. He was headed to Nepeta's house. It was movie night. On arrival he silently vaulted the fence, crept to the door and slipped inside. 

 

Crack! Equius slumped and fell to the floor with a quiet thump. Nepeta gasped and drew her claws as she turned. Her left arm was caught in a large hand. She screamed as she felt the bones in her wrist pulverize as they were squished together, then snapped backward. She struck up in a desperate attempt to get away, resulting in a hiss from her attacker and a swift punch in the jaw, and she too fell. Gamzee jumped over the couch and kicked Terezi, who had been on the floor, then hauled her up by her neck. He planted his foot on Equius's chest. "Don't FUCKING move or I'll SNAP her MOTHERFUCKING neck." Kanaya stood deathly still, her weapon in hand. She glanced around the room. Terezi desperately staggered on her tip toes. 

As a last effort, Terezi hopped a bit and kicked backward, scrambling to free herself as her conciseness blinked in and out. Gamzee's knee buckled, and in his slightly weakened state he was too slow to duck as the butt of a chainsaw smacked his forehead. Kanaya proceeded to kick the shit out of him. 

Gamzee was back in the hospital, chained back to a bed, and given a room to himself this time. Multiple ribs were broken, his skull had a slight fracture. And of course, three cuts across his face. Many of the self inflicted scratches were infected, and some of the bones in his hand were even broken. He screamed and struggled constantly, yelling a string of curses at anyone brave enough to open the door until three nurses finally managed to tranquilizer him. 

The next day a therapist visited. Each day she came back, and for a week no one but doctors and nurses and her were allowed to enter the room. 

Gamzee woke to the glaring lights a white room with a start. He began to hyperventilate and struggled pointlessly for a few moments. When some of his fear had dissipated he noticed he was not alone. "Hello. I'm very glad to see you. The other in your system had informed me you wouldn't be coming back." Gamzee began to shake slightly. "Gamzee Makara, correct?" Gamzee nodded quietly. "You didn't seem quit responsive. I thought it may be someone else." "Someone else?" Gamzee's voice was incredibly hoarse, like he had been screaming nonstop for days. "Yes. May I tell you something?" Gamzee nodded slightly. "It is under my current assumption that you have a form of schizophrenia, as well as a personality disorder. The other person in your system refers to himself as Gamzee "motherfucking" Makara, and appears to be an incredibly hostile and unstable individual." Gamzee blinked. "I'll give you a moment to let it sink in. Tea or water?" "Tea..." He whispered. "The blanks... Where I can't motherfucking remember- that's..." "Yes. If you've had memory issues, that is most likely when your other is at the front. If you don't mind, what's the last thing you remember?"

"...Drawing. And.. My chest. I couldn't breath." The therapist nodded. "What day was it?" "T-Thursday. Last week of June..." He trailed off. "This is not surprising to hear. It's currently Friday, and the first week of July." One of Gamzee's hands rose to cover his face, but was jerked back by the chains attached. "A week?!" "Yes. I'm sorry. Is this upsetting?" Gamzee breaths heaved, nearing a dry heave. "I've never l-lost so muchh time." He looked up at the smartly dressed woman. "Why am I here? What did... He? Do?" 

"Your other attacked a group of your friends, injuring three of them. They were released a couple of days ago. A Miss Terezi Pyrope, Kanaya Maryam, Nepeta Lejion, and Mr Equius Zahhak." "Motherfucking Christ." "It's ok. These actions were not yours." Gamzee shook his head. "How bad?" "Are you sure you would like to hear?" "Yes." "Terezi has severe bruising on her neck, and one of the vertebrae was cracked. Nepeta has a minor concussion and a severely broken wrist. Equius also has a concussion, thankfully his skull is quite thick because of his blood colour, so he survived the blow to his head. He also had a partially collapsed lung and cracked sternum. Kanaya had no injuries." After a few more minutes of explaination the therapist told Gamzee to rest, and left. 

Within a few more days Gamzee and the therapist had gone over how to prevent what she called a "switch". She said the normally patients were encouraged to embrace the others they shared a body with, but because Gamzee's was so violent that any time he felt himself begin to lapse, he should do what he could to prevent it. "In the case that you can't, it's very important you call your brother or another friend before he takes over." 

"What did he say that week?" "I'm not sure it's important for you to know. I'm told you completed school with B's and C's. That's very good." "I made up a lot for motherfucking absences." "Were these from drug abuse? Would you like to talk about it?" "I don't motherfucking know. It was what it was."

When Gamzee returned home he could help but smile when he saw his bed and all the blankets he had collected. Smiling hurt. Moving his face hurt. His father on the other hand, remained absent. Kurloz said he'd rented an apartment somewhere else in town. 

Heyyyyy  
SoRrY mY pHoNe GoT SmAsHeD wHo ThE mOtHeRfUcK iS tHiS  
It's Tanzaa  
Oh  
Soooo now that you're betterrrr now I was wonderingggg  
Wanna hang?  
I hAvE tO sTaY hOmE  
Whaaaat no wayyy. Come on  
FiNe

Gamzee propped his longboard up on his hip. He knocked exactly three times on Tanzaa's door and waited. He needed to explain that he couldn't do the shit they had done together anymore, but when the door opened he heard no loud music or screams of a regular party. Tanzaa opened the door and she was clad in a pair of pajama pants and a huge T-shirt. Her face flashed surprise for a moment. "Hey you're here! Greaaaat. Oh shit you didn't bring your sleepover stufffffff. Bummer. Oh welllll come on." Gamzee propped his board up in the porch and kicked his shoes next to the others waiting by the door. He followed Tanzaa down into her room in the basement. 

Low-fi electronic leaked from the Bluetooth and several people sat around in beanbags and on the bunks beds. Tanzaa had the whole basement to herself, there was about 10 people there. With dismay he noticed they were passing around a pair of Tanzaa's bongs. They were beautiful he had to admit, one a array of neon swathes and dots, which he knew glowed in the dark, the other a big piece that looked like silver wood with black knots. 

Tanzaa bent down and took the silver one out of a female trolls hands. Most everyone there was a highblood or popular human. He held up his hands. "Nah Tan. I can't do that motherfucking shit no more." She rolled her eyes. "Calm dowwwwwn big baby. It's just weed. Humans don't make it to potent. "Take the edge off" ya knowwwww?" Gamzee was caught for a moment. Finally he shrugged and fell back into one of the beanbags near Tanzaa's bottom bunk, which she now occupied. Gamzee felt for his lighter, which had strangely never left his pocket. Tanzaa repacked the bowl. And Gamzee hesitated for a final second before leaning down... Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

The group sat around and gossiped mostly for a while. "So Gamzeeee. Where did you goooo anyway? I heard you were in the hossssspital. What happened to your face?" Gamzee grinned, baring his fangs. "Ah that was a motherfucking shitty experience Tan." "I heard overdose or something? Then you beat someone up? Like whaaaaaat?" "Pretty motherfucking much. And actually, my motherfucking face was me." She laughed. "You're a tough shell to crack." She paused for a moment before clapping her hands. "Heyyyyyy. Who's ready for a game? You guys should get in a circle. I'm gonna grab caffeiiiiine." 

Gamzee scooted around to sit in a big circle with the rest of the group. Once everyone had drained a cup of coffee Tanzaa began. "Ok. Who wants to go firrrrrrst. It's just a little game of truth and darrrrrre but-" she pulled out a bottle. "You spin to see who you get to dare next annnnnd before you do thaaaat you have to kiss them." She tossed the bottle up and it landed in the centre of the circle with a bounce. "To make sure you did the dare-" she continued. "You either have to have it witnessed by someone trust worthy, or film it and show it to me. Coooooool. Let's go." She reached forward and set the bottle spinning. 

Where Are You?  
I Have Checked Your Place Of Residence And Have Found No Trace Of Your Presence  
Your Familiar Offspring Is Not Home Either  
Gamzee?

Tanzaa crawled across the circle to kiss a blue blood male. "Hiiiiiii Eachay. I dare you toooooo... Pour ice down your pants." Everyone in the circle started to laugh. The dare victim went upstairs and returned with a plastic ice maker. He sighed and cracked it over his knee before squeezing his eyes shut and pulling his underwear away from his skin. He howled as the ice tumbled into his pants. The game went around and around. Several times people left to get drugs from sketchy neighborhoods, steal from stores, pick up prostitues and vandalize. Each time Tanzaa and the rest of the group seemed satisfied with the video presented. 

The bottle landed back on Tanzaa. Once she had run naked around the block and came back to the circle, she smiled. "Time tooooo take it up a notch." She spun the bottle. "When this lands..." It spun. "Whoever. I dare youuuu to fuck bottles choice single in the closet." 

Gamzee leaned over. "Bottles motherfucking choice?" The girl next to him also leaned over. "The person dared spins the bottle again and the next single person it lands on is it." The bottle slowed to a stop. The blue blood it had landed on froze. "Oh come onnnnnnn! I always get picked for this shit." So they'd done this before. The bottle was spinning again. It landed on a turquoise, who pulled his hoodie over his head. "Oh my god." The whole room chuckled. The girl Gamzee had spoken to earlier leaned over again. "Oh my god. You have no idea, they always get picked it's hilarious." 

The two trolls stood and retreated to the closet. Tanzaa spun the bottle again. For the first time, it landed on Gamzee. Tanzaa crawled forward, giving him a sweet kiss. She slid the bottle to him. "I dare you to shower with bottles pick." Gamzee glanced down, placed his fingers on the bottle and spun. A sky blue male troll. Gamzee raised an eyebrow. "You single?" "Yeah." Both of them stood and Tanzaa shooed them off to the bathroom. The blue blood stripped his shirt. "Wanna fuck?" Gamzee paused, his shirt halfway over his head. What was going on? "I'll take that as a yes." 

Gamzee's shirt was jerked off over his head and he stumbled back. "Any time you back out on a dare you owe them a favour." The blue glanced to the door. Then he dropped his pants and stared back, eyes low lidded. "I dare. You to fuck." Gamzee briefly considered sprinting out the door and never coming out of his room for the rest of his life. But owing favours was terrifying. It could mean anything. 

Gamzee undid his belt with shaking hands. It didn't really matter did it? If it went bad he could always go home. His things were still hidden there. Gamzee stood outside of the shower door. "What's your motherfucking name?" "Trevor. Why? You not going to fuck someone if you don't know their name?" "Just up and wondering." When Gamzee stepped into the shower Trevor pulled on his horn, tilting his head down. Gamzee suppressed a wince, as that was the horn that was still healing. 

Hot water slipped down over his shoulders. It was nice. Gamzee couldn't remember the last time he had done more than wash his hair. Trevor reached up and ran three fingers down the scabs on Gamzee's face. He flinched away and backed into the shower wall. "Don't be shy." 

Gamzee clenched a fist against the wall. "Brother, let's not go about this. We can just do the motherfucking dare." He closed his eyes. The voices were shouting different things all at once, and it was hard to focus on what was happening. Trevor leaned up to whisper in his ear. "You want to owe me a favour?" Gamzee's ears started to ring. He grabbed a bottle of something and poured it over the blue's chest. "Bottle didn't motherfucking pick me, did it now, brother? Just wash my hair." And five minutes later Gamzee slipped back into his clothes.

Thankfully, the game was over, but Gamzee felt nervous for lack of face paint to even distract from the glaring scars on his face. He brought up a hand and rested it on his face, trying to look casual. 

While the rest of the crowd settled in to go to bed, Gamzee said goodbye to Tanzaa and hurried back towards home. 

Kurloz stood at the front door. Gamzee hung his head and tried to scoot past him. "I can motherfucking smell it from here. What do you think you're up and doing?" Kurloz stood, pushing Gamzee back against the door. Kurloz was somehow even taller than his brother by a few inches, but right then he seemed to be a mountain. "It's not that motherfucking bad." "Yes it is." Kurloz hissed. 

Kurloz pushed one of Gamzee's shoulders back roughly. "This! This is what starts that motherfucking shit again." Gamzee glowered. "It's my motherfucking life." He shoved past Kurloz and stormed up to his room, locking the door behind him. Gamzee angrily kicked at his blankets. All he needed was a fix. All he wanted was his friends back, and his brother to treat him like a normal person again. 

But if it wasn't going to happen what did he care? He thudded his palm into the wall and screamed into his other hand. What was the matter? Why was he stalling. He clawed at his bookshelf, pulling out many more books than he needed. 

He tore apart his closet, pulling out his old beat up bong, and filled it with a stray water bottle. Slowly he pulled out the bag he had been given on that fateful night.

**Author's Note:**

> That's all I have for now though


End file.
